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Apr 16, 2022
4/16/22, 8:17 PM
Very interesting concept. Just watch out for the typos and spelling mistakes going forward.
Apr 16, 2022
4/16/22, 3:59 PM
Interesting indeed. Just one small thing though, it's driving me nuts; I think you mean "finally" not "finale". Please do continue I'm interested in seeing where the story goes.
Apr 16, 2022
4/16/22, 2:09 PM
This is actually very interesting.
Apr 15, 2022
4/15/22, 9:25 PM
Can't wait for bro night!
Apr 2, 2022
Evan
4/14/22, 4:24 AM
Whoa. So much happened in this chapter. Rhys's surprise and genuine horror at the reality of the Argent was really well communicated. I think it confirmed to Jasper and readers just how out of touch the sky dwellers are. For all their keen eyesight, distance from the issue warps perspective. I loved that a lot of the pollution and rubbish was mistaken for something more beautiful from high above. Coins moulding their world and seeing what they want. Glass bottles reflecting light interpreted as wet, glistening rocks. That was very well done. Both as imagery and as a commentary on the Coins and slum disconnect. Jasper's time with the Coins has felt a little dream-like. Fantasy heightened, unreal. They live in that sort of world and this brought them both very literally back to Earth. Firstly, I loved the approach to showing Coins aren't invulnerable, and can actually be quite stupid with their day-to-day being so secure and their privilege giving them that false sense of total control over life. Going down there without security was pretty arrogant and foolish. Glad it didn't end badly and hopefully they learn from that. Jasper coming into his own, using his instincts and taking charge and yet still managing to stay in a respectful pet boundary was masterfully done and even applauded by Rhys. I love that Rhys got to see this very different side of Jasper, in his old element and really reinforcing what they'd just talked about with the incident with Callix. If Rhys hadn't already accepted his explanation and taken that perspective into account, I think this may have opened him more to it. The scene escaping the Coin-hunting slum denizens was very tense. I was genuinely afraid for Rhys and Jasper. I liked Iskios and his more cavalier attitude to the Coin present. Very believable that his interest laid more in having a competitor confirmed out of the game and not all that adversarial once confirmed. A little teasing that he was a pet now but what does he care if he gets more patch to play with. And all of this, with all it is already accomplishing for character and bonding our two favourite owner/pet combo, it also moves the main intrigue and plot along with Rhys gaining a lead or two to find out just how much he doesn't know about Jasper. I'm very curious what he does with that information. And how he feels about it. He's not stupid (if you don't count unescorted slumming) so he was pretty sure Jasper's criminal history was more than just a little theft here and there. His ability to access the secure lab was enough to tip him off to that. But having it confirmed is another matter. And will Iskios' witness to Jasper's behaviour get back to Seth, Nova, and Julian? How will they see it. Everyone has their own view of things and it taints every interaction, will they be able to interpret anything Iskios said as further proof of coercion or will the chance to escape on home turf put a spanner in their thoughts. Surely he didn't take the opportunity just because he's not finished his con yet and this earns more trust and freedom... So, so many layers in this world, with these characters, and your writing. It's impressive and a delight to read and immerse myself in. And that's before we even talk about the incredibly hot sex going on. Definitely exposed a new kink for me with all of Jasper and Rhys's talk about exposure of him being fucked like the slut he is in the automated vehicle flying up to home. And how eagerly Jasper engages in pleasing Rhys's body. Obedience to the point of almost entrancing himself thanks to his conditioning. And reaching climax with the combination of his owner inside him and being seen being a wanton slutty pet from the outside. I am curious where things will go once Rhys talks to Jasper about hypnosis. It's a very easy road. And, of course, once they talk about it and he puts him under on purpose the trail to Aris's programming gets obscured that little bit more. Their tenderness and passion is wonderful to see. And hot, of course. Like Rhys, I also LOVE how much precum our little pet produces. Going to finish off by thanking you both again for writing such an amazing story together. And you have a huge fan eagerly anticipating more chapters when time allows.
4/15/22, 2:34 PM
@Evan Yes, yes, yes! Having established Coins as these, in their opinion, ultra powerful beings that are capable of anything that they desire, but then contrasting it with Adrien and Seth's view of them as vapid, vain creatures, we now wanted to show how the truth is, as usual, something that is somewhere in the middle. We were definitely aiming to have Rhys's arrogance and obliviousness on full display in this chapter, so I'm glad that that's coming through. We wanted to show him being well-meaning but not necessarily equipped for the realities he was going to find. I had been concerned that the chase might be a bit too cartoonish, so I'm glad that it came across well. I find that kind of action hard to write, but I guess some things are common images because they're how things might actually happen, especially in an unplanned situation like that. Iskios was a delight to write, and it was fun to let Jasper go off a little like that about his new priorities while also being more wholly himself, in a situation he was familiar with. I can't wait to share more about so many of the situations you're curious about. Those are definitely seeds that I'm excited to explore. So, so glad to hear your thoughts on that sex scene! It was a delight to write together.
4/15/22, 3:33 PM
@Evan I’m really glad you enjoyed Rhys’s realization and reaction to the trash. At the risk of seeming like a dick, I have to kind of brag a bit about that. I was writing the part where they arrived at the water’s edge, and all my thoughts about how the scene would look came together at once. Time helped of course, but I’m really proud of how much I did of that on my own. Especially the bit about the glass bottles. I wanted it to be a harsh slap in the face for Rhys, so he could really have that dramatic shift in perspective. It’s so encouraging to see that you liked it. For when Jasper had to step in and get them out of there, writing that type of situation was very challenging at first. Making sure we show off Jasper while still leaving Rhys in some type of “dominant” position was difficult for me, so I’m glad I had time around for that one. Time was right about Iskios. Very fun. We have a few plans surrounding what Iskios will do now, as well as what Rhys will do, but you’ll just need to wait for the next chapter :). The sex scene was a lot of fun. We really had to think about how sex with an enormous Coin would work in the back of a short limo (granted, the limo is probably a bit taller and with bigger seats, because Coins). I’m glad I could help you find more ways to get yourself... excited ;). I will consider it a badge of honour that we wrote a scene so hot that someone discovered more about themself and their kinks. You mention that traces of Aris’s effects on Jasper might be hidden by further hypnosis with Rhys, but have you considered that Rhys might just find more traces instead? We are still looking into both possibilities and how it would work best for what we want to do. Also, at first I was pretty surprised how much we enjoyed the precum too. It certainly gives us something novel to talk about every once in a while, and the mess can be very enticing.
Apr 2, 2022
Evan
4/14/22, 10:18 PM
I'd also like to throw in because I can't remember whether I have already or not. I have major admiration for you both for making this great a story from your roleplay. It's not easy to do and at the start I felt like I could see some of the seams. Now it is flawless. As the chapters have gone on it's become smoother and smoother and a really well-flowing story. Seamless. Other than just my observations, I'd love to give some constructive criticism but I'm afraid I can't think of any. I love the characters, the depth of the world, and the way you are writing. The best I can offer is encouragement to write more. But that also seems very self-serving.
4/15/22, 2:37 PM
@Evan Thank you so much! I think that one day I might like to go back and edit those first chapters, maybe when this is finished. There's a kind of way of answering RP where you address all the different elements and kind of echo/repeat them to let the person know what you're referring to that doesn't work as well for a story. So we actually changed the way that we write to allow for more writing between each other and editing as we go. We are definitely working on writing more -- and in no small part thanks to your encouragement (and other folks'), though of course we were planning to write more eventually. First words of Chapter 12 were written last night!
Mar 4, 2022
Evan
4/12/22, 8:27 AM
Rhys noticing the ease with which hypnosis works on his pet. Interesting. Rhys also noting the almost proforma responses in trance also interesting. Is there suspicion there? Does he think (or just make himself think) it's just evidence that this is really what Jasper wants deep down and he's putting up conscious blocks normally. "Maybe Jasper meditates". I think Jasper really does want this. He cares for Rhys and chances are that even without Aris's meddling he'd have been a great pet. The problem is, any response he gives can't be trusted to be only his own now. The manipulation has the potential to cause a rift between Jasper and Rhys, Rhys and Aris, the twins and Rhys - again, the twins and Aris - possibly, not that we've seen much interplay between them. The subtelty of the dominance shift with the cleaning was really well done. And Rhys identifying it and taking back the control in the form of the washcloth was really interesting to see and that washcloth was very symbolic. On one hand it could have been just romantic, washing one another after enjoying themselves, but the tone had already been set and needed to be nipped in the bud from Rhys's point of view. Especially given Jasper's wild nature to start with. Having said that, seeing Rhys lose control in spite of knowing the game Jasper was playing was very,very hot. And I think a great demonstration of a more innocuous "weakness" prescribed on him by the Zeus condition. He could have stopped, reasserted control completely before cumming to put a very firm deliniation between Jasper's coaxing to cum for him and the event itself. But, given the risk of Zeus, he felt it better (or couldn't not) let it slide. Something I hadn't commented on earlier but wanted to highlight was another aspect of the Coin culture and their status (because there's so much to praise). The cultural taboo of masturbating as a Coin in public - as we saw when Aris was with Rhys in the training VR room when we first saw the Zeus syndrome - it's not that masturbation is wrong or that anyone is a prude (certainly not with pets blowing you at a moment's notice) it just seems like the culture is that someone of a Coin's status should have someone else doing it for them if they need release. At least in the presence of other Coins. I'm looking at it a lot like a Coin making their own food at this point. They have a trusted butler (and presumably cook/chef) to help with that. Doing it themselves would be a real low point of desperation of starvation. Perhaps a flawed analogy. Then sex later when Jasper was rested. And he is letting himself be vulnerable and free. No trance this time, no doubt that Aris's conditioning is still in play below the surface somewhere but in reminiscing about his old friends he tells himself they were just allies of convenience and that they would have written him off. Yet they are seeking to rescue him and believe him to be controlled. The real question is how much of Jasper is into being a pet. We have an element of his old life and new life combining. Nova saw him as the wanton Aphrodite, cutting loose and enjoying the safety and freedom he has acquired through Rhys. What would Jasper think of that, I wonder. He clearly has an exhibitionist streak but what of humiliation. Is he proud of what a good pet he is? And his interpretation of Aris's rules to allow him to be more of himself to please Rhys rather than a simpering cloying pet with no personality was genius. Jasper is far more interesting with at least part of himself intact and it raises that more ambiguous question of how much is him and how much is the programming? Speaking of programming. The twins are quite a pair. I really liked that they didn't immediately villainise Rhys but instead interpreted his snubbing of an almost invulnerable Coin to focus on his hurt normal, human pet as proof he cares and is trying to look after Jasper. And perhaps a sign of his growth over the last decade. But then comes the rumour. That Jasper has turned around from rebellious slummer to perfect pet a little too quickly. The fact the two of them are taking Rhys's history into account and thinking perhaps he is responsible for Jasper's sudden change in behaviour (rather than Aris) is perfect. It's believable and, given their last experience of Rhys 10 years ago, entirely realistic conclusion to concern themselves with. And the twins themselves not being the same character is notable too. They have their own personalities, they tease one another. Calix's imagining of the conversation was very different to the reality with very little sympathy and a rather practical assessment of the situation. The way you are both weaving the thread of rumour, "evidence" and perspective is magnifient. Aris's interference, Jasper's inner desires (one presumes), Rhys's desire for someone to cherish, care for, and serve him as pet all combine to make outsiders a little uncertain. Drugs used to make Jasper more comfortable and better able to undergo training he wants to be better for Rhys and uphold his end of the bargain (and perhaps more) being interpreted by Jasper's old crew's as a method of control and manipulation to change him into something they believe he never could have been. The party itself being a beautiful welcoming to their society, celebration of his progress and skills, and bonding with friends of his owner and showing affection to that owner by behaving as he did but seen by the old crew as a domineering torture and hunt. The world is breathing. Not to mention how intricate a single event and the things leading up to it have so many different possible viewpoints depending on the characters, their histories, and unconscious (or conscious) biases. Finally, the perfume. I'm pretty confident it is the scent they were talking about bottling from Jasper a little while ago. That is so very erotic. And kind of sweet to give a part of Jasper to the guests to take home.
4/15/22, 2:14 PM
@Evan As usual, it is wonderful to have such an attentive reader who is picking up what we are putting down. You've really identified one the central conflicts for us around whether any of the characters can trust their own emotional responses when they've been manipulated. Of course, that could just be a way of thinking about all sorts of trauma, but it's especially complicated with literal mind control. I think we are rooting for Jasper and Rhys, but the truth is that even we don't know how they'll react when the truth comes out. We're letting the characters guide us. They've already surprised us a fair bit! Guess we're betraying our "pantser" natures, though we've got some plot points planned and are waiting to see what they want to do with them. Really glad to hear that you're enjoying the interplay of power -- and I think you've got a really solid read on the dynamics and Coin culture, especially when it comes to those sexual dynamics. It really is all about power and control. Everything is permitted, but not everything is seemly in polite company/there is a loss of status involved. Given how much Jasper's friends are willing to go to bat for him and how adept his character is supposed to be at reading and working with social situations, it would be weird for him to have so grossly misread the situation. So, seems like something is afoot, either Jasper is defensively trying to cut ties to his old life, or it is the influence of the hypnosis. Then there's Jasper's relationship to being a pet: his friends seem pretty adamant that their Adrien would never want that for himself. But it can also be pretty hard to admit your desires, especially if it just seems like something that'll never come true. I think that his skill with people and his strength of will is allowing him to see what Rhys really wants instead of what Aris thinks Rhys wants. And even Aris was a little annoyed at how cloying and needy Jasper had been in the past few weeks before the Golden Lattice Ceremony and thought he would need to make adjustments. The twins are two characters that we definitely plan to explore more! I think it'll be exciting to discover who they are and what they want from this situation. In my mind, they both care so much for Marin and they at the very least used to care a lot for Rhys. So, they want to protect Rhys's pet from Rhys if Rhys is falling into the same trap as with Marin, but also prevent Rhys from causing further hurt to himself. It's a huge compliment and makes me so happy to hear you say that the world feels like it's alive and breathing <3! That multiplicity of perspectives and interactions, where things happen whether or not the main characters are interacting with them, is very important to me, as a storyteller! Thank you so much for these kind and thoughtful words!
4/15/22, 2:19 PM
@time.to.occur I was going to add my own response here, but time got to every single point I was going address. So... no notes I guess? I should reiterate though, I'm so glad you're enjoying our story!
Apr 12, 2022
4/15/22, 4:16 AM
Fantastic chapter! So erotic, hot and sexy, but dad and son are so full of love for each other too.
Apr 12, 2022
4/15/22, 1:52 AM
I enjoyed the story of Buzz and Gordo but I agree that it's finished. I think happy endings are rare and precious in this mythology you're building, and this one shouldn't be messed with lest it unravel. Of course I would be interested in other threads being followed.
Apr 12, 2022
4/14/22, 4:47 PM
I think this was a very sweet ending to this "branch" of the story. Most of the turned men are not going to have a chance to have a happily-ever-after with any of the men they attract. I like that this chapter has added the idea that some of the turned men can pass the hairiness on to other men. I wonder what would happen if an already gay man crossed paths with one of the turned men?
Nov 14, 2021
1/20/22, 2:13 AM
Sorry this one's taking so long, everybody! IRL has been rough, but I also really want to get the next installment right. Chapter 10 has been mostly done since the start of December, but I can’t stop tinkering with it. I feel more pressure to revise the longer this story gets because the stakes feel higher.
1/21/22, 7:05 AM
@bluesuedewho I think we can all agree that your work is worth the wait :)
1/29/22, 7:05 AM
@bluesuedewho I know exactly how you feel, take your time, every chapter has been worth the wait!
Apr 12, 2022
4/14/22, 5:44 AM
Oh if you gave Gordo and Buzz their own series, I'd be REALLY happy about that. The last two stories gave a lot of background on Gordo/Oso, which was amazing, but I want to know more about Trent/Buzz. Love your writing, I look forward to seeing more from you!
Apr 13, 2022
bigsad
4/14/22, 5:36 AM
Fantastic! I didn’t think these two could get anymore intensely close but I am happy that I’ve been proven wrong.
Apr 1, 2022
Anonymous
4/13/22, 7:50 PM
This was really good! I’m excited to see more of the coach
Apr 13, 2022
4/13/22, 6:43 PM
Wonderful! So lovely and sweet, with just that hint of danger.
Mar 10, 2022
4/13/22, 4:30 PM
I'm gonna take a break for today at the end of this one (but bookmarked and tbc). Yeah. In a lot of ways, we're in similar boats. It's not dirty enough to be porn _really_ it's more, "cutesy fanfic which depicts the sex when sex happens, which is not that often." It's very easy to score this series punitively because of the ratings as categorized. If this were an alternate reality where "cutesy" "silly" "playful" were categories, this saga would be hitting 5's like they were going out of business. It's a nicely written work, that is off-brand for GSS (and this is a concept I'm very familiar with :sweat_smile:) So it will always have *that* battle, and it's a battle I can relate to. I would say this ought to at the very least be also released on Cupid, like, immediately. Cupid at least vaguely has a "love-heart-y" looking category that's just begging to be set to 5/5 for a series like this. If not even "romantic" per se, the series is very clearly "lovely in every way, and almost excessively so", whereas here on GSS I'm leaving the 'Mind Control' category blank and scoring as high as I can in other places, but finding scant excuses to give more then 3's, 3.5's, 4's (for lack of suitability). The series is bizarre and lovely and charming despite what is justifiably mediocre ratings. Mediocre rating as a consequence to the situation it exists in, not because it is in _actuality_ a mediocre piece of work (I hope that is very clear to you, because if it's not, it should be); far from it, and kudos to you for working through it in context of how it was always going to be received here, and delivering something *this* good anyways. How... delightful (so far anyways), and I didn't even need to know Pokémon stuff to enjoy it; I can just 'Are ya Winning Son' Dad my way through the Poké-jargon, like one does with Star Trek when the warp drive manifolds fails to realign. Bookmark booked, tbc.
Jan 26, 2022
4/13/22, 3:29 PM
A good escalation of events. will keep reading.
Jan 20, 2022
4/13/22, 3:08 PM
Not a bad opening chapter, mate. I don't normally read fanfiction, so I won't be ruthlessly critiquing this! However, I am happy to see enough of your own creative voice in it; it doesn't seem to _just_ be 'Pokémon + fucking'. So far, this reads like something that should also be published on Cupid.
Apr 12, 2022
4/12/22, 11:38 AM
Please please please! Please continue these two, I really want to see Gordo/Oso and Trent/Buzz again! 🐻🐻🐻
4/12/22, 7:42 PM
@Papa Werebear... lol well I'm glad you liked it. This series seems to be right up your alley. There are a lot of loose ends that can be followed up on... I kind of feel like Gordo and Buzz reached an end point. Not too much to say about them. But Jim and Tony are still out there prowling... turning other men :)
4/12/22, 10:23 PM
@MostlySalt okay I read this in the wee hours of the morning after waking up in the middle of the night and I could have sworn you had asked if you should continue with these two characters or not, was I wrong? Did I dream that? I'm not being facetious here seriously wondering if I saw that somewhere. And thanks for writing as always loving this story.
4/12/22, 10:45 PM
@Uncle Arctos Well, @Papa Werebear and I were talking about that yeah. When I first thought about this chapter, I kind of felt like it was a fitting end for Gordo and Buzz. With the chance to stay together. Hungry and never forced apart. It could certainly be continued if there is enough interest. My intent had been to follow up with some of the other guys from the other chapters documenting how they turned and what happens to them. Maybe Gordo and Buzz deserve their own series branching off from this?
Apr 12, 2022
Evan
4/12/22, 9:46 PM
I know I say it every chapter, but I just love this series. It is hot and sensual and full of love all at once.
Apr 10, 2022
Evan
4/11/22, 12:52 AM
Some explanations and a path forward. QUITE a development. I'm really loving this series. The worldbuilding and the progression of our two protagonists. Looking forward to more. Thanks for writing!
4/11/22, 2:57 AM
@Evan Thank you! I’m enjoying writing. When I started I thought I’d get to the fucking a lot faster, but I’ve been enjoying setting the tone and sacred sexuality story elements. The mind control elements are more subtle than I originally planned, but I like it being sort of ambiguous about what’s a character’s choice and what’s supernatural influence. Hoping it still fits the theme well enough for guys to get off to.
Jan 17, 2022
Evan
4/10/22, 11:32 PM
This was such a delightful romp. The contrast between perspectives is so incredible. There's a callousness to Coins and a frivolousness that the rest of society would see so it makes perfect sense. But how fascinating to see the assumed intentions and confirmation bias. Nova sees the party as domineering, degrading, and solely about ownership and sex for their own pleasure. But the reality was about friendliness, bonding, and welcoming and giving Jasper pleasure as well. Exactly the same acts and setup but two different views of it based on the cultures and social situations. This sort of thing is so realistic, and really highlights there is a culture underlying all of this and not just a flimsy excuse for an orgy (not that there's anything wrong with that, but this makes it a part of the world). I was really invested in Callix and Rhys reconciling and the understandable scuffle with Jasper made my stomach drop. Very well played. Not a smooth ride but they did get to talk after when everyone was cooler-headed. Some great dynamics here, too. The various ways favours were granted allowing for everyone at the party to enjoy it. I also really enjoy the casual and natural way sex is understood for Coins. Literally getting a blowjob while having a conversation to calm down from a disagreement. Freely enjoying one another in plain sight of everyone else and it being entirely unremarkable. Incorporating the maze to allow for hiding and favours is such a neat game. And making it a copy of the streets to give Jasper the advantage was pure genius. Both from Aris and Rhys's point of view and also as writers. What a cool element. And he really showed them he was cunning and if they caught him for a favour it was because the god Aphrodite wanted to extend such generosity. Quite a lot of dynamics being played with in this chapter. Including Jasper being a top and even a dom on occasion. He's a versatile little switch. And it seems like Rhys is pleased by this also. So much good stuff, I don't want to go on too long. See you next chapter.
4/11/22, 1:52 AM
@Evan I'm happy to see how you realized that this was actually a supportive and friendly party, and it was only Nova's cultural lens and concern for his friend that made him think otherwise. It was very important to us that things *not* go perfectly for Rhys and Jasper here, especially with Calix (for reasons that will become obvious). I'm proud how we managed how everyone was feeling and thinking as they left. I agree that having the maze set up to give Jasper the advantage was a stroke of genius by time.to.occur to let Jasper pick and choose what happened and who he would be with. Since Coins put a lot of thought and care into layers of meaning, it makes me smile to think of how, a few days later, some Coins will start to realize that Jasper had a lot of control over them, and he *chose* to play with them.
4/11/22, 2:04 AM
@Evan One of the parts that was the most fun for us while we were writing this was figuring out a legend that would suit the party and then spinning up the rules and cultural layers to it. I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter! It's one of our favourites and (probably because it wound up being way longer than we thought to establish everything that needed establishing), it's not one we've gotten a lot of feedback on. Cuddle-switch has covered a lot of what I'd have said, but I'm glad that some of the nicer aspects of Coin society are coming through in this chapter. For better or worse, they're both ultra rich and still pretty human. I don't think I can claim credit for the maze idea, exactly, or at the least, one of the things that usually happens for me with jointly written things is that eventually I forget who came up with what, but hey, I'm happy that it works! Totally understand having limited time to comment, but honestly, you're just fueling us -- write as many comments as you like! <3
Apr 10, 2022
4/11/22, 12:45 AM
Interesting turn of events! Cannot wait for more!
Apr 10, 2022
4/11/22, 12:30 AM
Great story. Thank you
Apr 10, 2022
4/10/22, 9:16 PM
Brilliantly told, each chapter hotter that the last! Casey and Paul's journey is so well done and so hot. Keep it up please!
Apr 10, 2022
4/10/22, 9:15 PM
Keeps getting better with each chapter!
Mar 23, 2022
4/8/22, 7:00 AM
Hey. @S.Q. Neemie. Do you know when we can expect the next chapter? Dying to know what Will happen next.
4/10/22, 4:28 PM
@Lytcom Working on it. Slowed down a bit because of travel. Thanks for letting me know you're still reading even if the last chapter didn't connect all the dots for you!
Apr 9, 2022
4/10/22, 12:49 PM
Great job overall. Excellent transition to the new character and introduction of the biker club characters. This is shaping up to be a sexy saga,