Recent Comments

Anonymous
3/15/21, 11:58 AM
Jerked off from start to finish, which is amusing, given I'm in chastity.
3/15/21, 8:20 AM
Excellent story! I'm not familiar with chav culture but can't deny I find them attractive. Always love their transformation stories!
3/15/21, 7:12 AM
missed your stories... great transformation..,. keep on going....
Oct 2, 2020
Anonymous
2/25/21, 4:42 AM
This is so sweet like wow
Kent
2/14/21, 7:24 AM
i want more of this... pleaseeeee
2/10/21, 2:26 PM
pls continue the series, let him male jay jealous, just a suggestion. Thank you
Anonymous
2/5/21, 12:04 AM
well i hope Cozbi will come to regret his plan but somehow i doubt it now i can't wait to see how the humans react to aliens among them even if they are willing to help and share tech
2/3/21, 9:17 AM
thank you for posting this! To be honest, this is one of my favorite stories in the site! I love your three characters, keep it up!
2/3/21, 7:55 AM
I actually don't think that this story's syntax is horrible. But I think the set-up portion of this story makes a mistake that I see in a lot of works by beginning authors: too many unnecessary descriptions. A lot of times, authors feel obligated to describe every single detail of what a character looks like, even if it has no bearing on the story's actual themes or character arcs. And some of the descriptions in this story actually make it harder to picture the characters, rather than easier; Micah is supposed to be a fit young 5'6' guy who also somehow weighs 200 pounds. And while we get these slow-paced descriptive passages, the human interactions seem incredibly rushed; within the course of a single paragraph, Ballard introduces himself, offers Micah a well-paying job, and Micah accepts it. But all of this is stuff that writers have to learn by experience: how to pace a story, what details to elaborate upon and what details can be omitted. @Meltedzentai, I hope you keep at this, and I'm sure you'll see constant improvement.
Anonymous
2/3/21, 6:45 AM
Your syntax is horrible. The insistence on piling multiple adjectives in front of every noun during the scene-setting part of the story is exhausting and laboured. And it is incredibly difficult to work out what's actually happening.