Recent Comments

8/17/21, 3:28 AM
This was a great idea for a submission! I thought it was cool that the place was a gay polyam commune, and it was fun reading about how Billy Bonkers affected the excessive order. You set up Jack's life well, why he wanted to change, and how Daniel rescued him. It seemed like some of the plot elements came out of nowhere, but that *is* how life tends to work - not much foreshadowing. It felt similar to stream-of-consciousness literature. One thing I would suggest is adding punctuation to the end of all your dialogue. All the other writing has full punctuation and correct spelling and looks good, so it's kind of jarring whenever a quote doesn't end in the proper punctuation, and it makes the writing appear lazy - falsely, since your writing is good here.

8/17/21, 6:23 AM
@Soren Fitz Ah, grammar, my old nemesis. Read on its own the story elements are rather random, but this is actually a "Midnight Sun" if Dalton Creek on Gay Spiral was "Twilight". That story is... something. It's the same story elements told from the other perspective. This is like a Disney version of Dalton Creek's Grimm fairytales. I wanted this story to function as a stand-alone, maybe the start of a series of one-offs where different duos from the commune go on dates and things.

8/17/21, 12:53 PM
@Norismo That makes so much more sense now! I noticed a few hours after reading that you had posted twenty-three chapters of Dalton Creek stories in the past, and now I understand what’s going on.
Jack
8/17/21, 7:16 AM
I have to say, this story was a pleasure to read, and I don't mean just because I was pleasuring myself as I read it. The situations were good, the sex was titillating, and the ending was very satisfying. I liked how Eric and Ricardo were almost a future glimpse at how Fin and Ronny would eventually be: still fucking constantly, but having more of a healthy relationship feel to it. A wonderfully satisfying story, and I very much look forward to your next work!
8/16/21, 1:00 PM
Big fan of this series. I love the flow of events here; the little tease we get when we think Luke's going to give in and his scene with the coach both make the whole product sexier. I gotta say though, this chapter reads more like a rush job or an unfinished draft than previous ones did (which had clean, brief paragraphs, correct punctuation, clean spelling, in general showed a really high skill level!). Life gets crazy sometimes, it's all good, but going forward I'd personally be happy to wait two more weeks (or whatever) so you have time to finish editing and deliver that quality we know you're capable of!

8/16/21, 2:01 PM
@tenser13 It's good to know about it. I'm not sure how long it took me to write it, but I'll try to give a check before I post the next chapters. Thanks for the feedback!

8/16/21, 2:21 PM
@tenser13 I had messed up the paragraphs, I did a revision for that. Thanks for helping me notice!

8/17/21, 1:47 AM
@Lookintomyeyesboy Love it, thank you! And no problem, just happy to have your hot stories on here!
Martin
8/16/21, 8:38 PM
Honestly, the way you write, you don't need no kink. This scene was amazingly hot. I'm really honored to have you aboard! Please share more of these stories from a "less kinky phase"!

8/17/21, 12:25 AM
@Martin :3 you're too kind! I've got some stuff in mind for GCS but I just need to get through some life stuff first!
Martin
8/16/21, 8:24 PM
All right, now we have some drama... Let's see where this is heading. Please go on!

8/16/21, 10:50 PM
@Martin thanks for the comment. I was actually just going to do star on the next chapter. I'm glad you like it. I think the direction I take this in might branch off to a sequel story, if it turn out good, so, more is on the horizon.
Martin
8/16/21, 8:21 PM
It's a difficult topic, a love story with a self-loathing homophobic closet case... But I like what you did so far. Let's see where this is going! I hope it'll have a goog ending... :)
Anonymous
8/16/21, 6:43 AM
Very hot, the way you do dialogue is a bit confusing though

8/16/21, 2:22 PM
I ha messed up the spacing, it should be fixed now. Sorry about that.
8/16/21, 9:42 AM
What may also happened is that Ronny, realizing Fin was his Beta, did whatever he could to get Finn to accept it. If his inner drives were so pumped I can see his own self-justification. He may not have wanted to be without a Beta. I would hope that as they mature in their relationship that they will become more loving and less sex-focused. Ronny said that they're both just two guys. I hope he can realize that he didn't really give Fin a choice and apologize. I think Fin would forgive him soon enough.
8/16/21, 6:09 AM
Hot. Can;t wait for more.
8/16/21, 1:14 AM
I'm glad they bonded but I'm not happy about Fin being Ronny's "bitch". Semantics I suppose but also he was drugged by the pre-workout drink so he had no choice to really decide. Yes, he could have left when Ronny explained about how Betas have choice but by that point he was addicted.

8/16/21, 4:12 AM
@Cutlerfan I'm glad you feel this way! I wanted to leave the outcome up to the reader's interpretation. Some may think it was true love while others may think Ronny was more devious than he let on.